Talking to God
- Allyson Kelley
- Apr 7
- 2 min read
Talking to God
"Have you ever met someone who felt like God?"
Have you seen their mannerisms and thought, this person is not of this world.
Have you watched the twinkle in their eye as words of grace and encouragement flow from their mouths?
Have you wondered how they knew just what to say to you
To give you comfort in suffering?
I have. I met God a few weeks ago in Billings. We were sitting outside a VRBO. She was an elder, a friend I have known for about twenty years. She’s a spiritual guru, a mystic, a bundle keeper in her tribe, a grandmother, and so much more.
We visited for a good amount of time. Covering normal topics like children, sickness, addiction, adventures, and celebrating our lives… These conversations were completely of this world and our form based identities in it.
People are suffering. Watching someone you love die brings appreciation for living and fear about what comes next and what life will be like without them physically here. We visited about family members transitioning, and how we feel. There were silent pauses and tears of gratitude for the understanding of the sacred, what it means to be alive.
Addiction always comes up. I know the struggle first hand. She tells me about her family members struggling with the disease many call substance abuse / alcoholism.
I share how pitiful I am. How many mistakes I have made in the last year since I have seen her. In some ways this feels like the Catholic sacred penance and I am asking forgiveness of my sins. But I am not Catholic and she’s not a priest.
I ask her how she manages to love the unlovable. I recount the people in my circle who are very hard for me to love. People who are unkind, selfish, and unconscious. She smiles and laughs like only she can. That’s the challenge. That is what you must work on in this life.
It is at this moment I realize I am not talking to her. Something has shifted. I feel complete love from her. I’ve always felt love but this is an all consuming expansive kind of love that does not come from humans.
Silence.
I tell her I feel like I am talking to God.
She places her hand on her heart. It is because of your goodness. You have a pure heart.
These are the words I have always wanted to hear from God. I want my heart to be seen by God.
Tears.
She and I both believe that God can show up in us and speak through us. This was one of those moments where God was sitting across the table from me. Dressed like a 74 year old elder and grandmother. Giving me all of the love and the affirmation I needed to go on.